#dean got himself a family and didn't even realize it

[cyanide-siren]

please, don't go there

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: You were hunting with Dean and Sam for years, until you died in the hands of a demon. You were also a girl Dean fell in love with. Now, Dean has a chance to travel back in time where he meets you, who has no idea who Dean is.

Warnings: Angst, angst, it's just sad.

☆☆

Watching you die was one of the most traumatic moments of Dean's life – and he had gone through a lot.

He could still feel your warm blood covering his hands as he tried to stop your stomach from bleeding, but the wound was too severe to get fixed without a doctor.

For the next several weeks, every time Dean got his hands wet, all he could imagine was your blood on his skin. Every time he had to look down to make sure it wasn't blood. At least not your blood.

It was his fault you died. Sam tried to insist that there was nothing Dean could have done but Dean would blame himself for the rest of his life for that one moment.

He had gone that day over again and again in his mind.

If you had stayed at the motel, you'd be alive.

If you hadn't walked through that door at that second, you'd be alive.

If you hadn't done this and that, you'd be alive.

So many things could have prevented your fate. You could be here with him, in his arms – but you weren't. Instead, your corpse was buried under dirt. Dean had dug a grave for the love of his life.

The only one he had left anymore was Sam, everyone else were gone.

"I will never let you forget about that," you had laughed. "I'll tell that to everyone in the retirement home we'll be stuck in if our kids won't take care of us when we're old."

Oh what a joy would it have been to able to grow old with you. Have you by his side for the rest of his life, but you were gone before your life together with him had even properly started. See your hair turn grey and hands become wrinkly. Dean would keep saying how pretty you still looked, even though you were growing old. You'd still be the most beautiful girl he knew.

That brings him to this day, when the angels had transported him back in time and he was sitting on a bench at a park. They didn't send him there because of you, no – you only happened to be in the same area since this was the place you had grown up in with your family.

15 years to the past.

Dean's heart stopped for a moment when he saw a girl who he didn't have to look more than once to recognize. He clenched his jaw, feeling his throat becoming tighter and tears prickling into his eyes which he forced back in by blinking rapidly.

You. Although, you did look very different, being just 14 years old. You had insisted that Dean would never see pictures of you from your teenage years, embarrassed of your style back then, but Dean didn't see anything in you to be embarrassed about.

You were beautiful and so full of life with that wide smile and bright eyes. You were walking with two of your friends, talking about something which made you laugh. God, how much Dean missed that laugh.

You were holding a bouquet of roses in your hands, most likely taking them home for your mother, since today happened to be the Mother's Day. Personally, you had always disliked roses. Another thing Dean regretted was that he hadn't bought you flowers often enough. He should have bought you flowers at least once or twice a week, but he hadn't.

Dean could never look at any type of flowers anymore without thinking of the lilies and orchids he had laid on top of your grave.

Dean was so deep in his own thoughts that he hadn't realized someone had approached him.

"Excuse me, sir," you said, startling Dean out of his short trance.

"Huh?"

"Did you drop this?" you asked, somehow holding his wallet in your hand. For a moment, Dean's blood ran cold and heart stopped for a second. Dean touched every pocket on him and, indeed, there was no wallet on him.

"Oh, yeah, thanks," Dean nervously chuckled, partly to the fact that you had called him 'sir', which you had never done before. He took the wallet from you, quickly putting it back into his pocket. How he had managed to lose it in the first place, was a mystery.

"Great, my day's one good job is done then," you said and smiled.

Seeing you this unbothered and satisfied, Dean could just assume that you hadn't looked into his wallet and was extremely relieved for that. He wasn't ready to answer your questions of why he had a picture of you in his wallet, though an older version of you.

You were about to turn and walk away, but before thinking much, Dean stopped you.

"Sorry, um, hold on a second," Dean blurted out of his mouth before you'd manage to walk away from him. He was trying to form the words in his head into proper sentences that would sound somewhat logical to you. Fuck it. Of course it would sound anything else than logical. "This is going to sound weird but... I need you to do me a favor."

"A favor?" you asked, raising your eyebrows. "Now, what kind of a favor can a teenager do to a grown ass man?"

Dean couldn't help but smile, having missed that sass of yours so much.

"In 8 years, when you're going out with your friends on November 21st 2004... Don't go to a bar that night."

"What?" you asked, furrowing your eyebrows. Who was this man? A psychic or something? Fortune teller? No, fortune tellers didn't dress in jeans and leather jackets. Did they?

"Please, just. Go anywhere else than into a bar on that day," Dean insisted, looking extremely serious which almost made you worried and anxious, his gaze looking at you so intensely you'd almost think he wasn't joking.

"Why?"

"Because," Dean started, voice unstable and shaky, but the words got stuck in his throat. He had to turn his face away from you, feeling tears rise into his eyes.

"Sir, are you crying?" You took a cautious step closer to him, growing slightly worried of this stranger.

Sir. No 'love', 'honey', 'darling' – nothing. He'd never hear you to call him with any of those nicknames anymore. He had hated most of them at the time, but now he'd do anything to hear them again, even once.

"Promise me," Dean repeated with pleading eyes. "November 21st 2004. Whatever plans you have that day, change them."

"But-"

"Promise me. It's the only thing i ask you to do," Dean insisted, growing desperate.

"Okay, okay. I promise," you said, brows furrowed in confusion.

If you never met Dean Winchester in the first place, he wouldn't be dragging you into the mess of his life and you'd be alive. Even if you would never be a part of his life.

You'd be alive and happy. You would never start hunting demons and risk your life every single time you went for a hunt. You'd get married and have a family if you wished so. Get married to someone else than Dean and have someone else's kids. Dean was supposed to marry you, but he should be used to having good things ripped away from him.

Dean wasn't meant to settle down with anyone, he was supposed to save people so they could live their lives happy and well.

When Dean turned away and left, you watched after him for a while, wondering who the hell that man was and what was so special of your 22nd birthday.

"Y/N? Who was that?" your friend asked.

"I don't know," you mumbled and narrowed your eyes.

"He's kinda hot," she admitted and bit her lip to keep a smile from breaking her face in half.

"Ew, gross. He's old," you grimaced and wrinkled your nose.

He turned around one more time, just to see you still standing there. He gave you one more sad smile until permanently leaving you alone.

What a strange man.

☆☆

[le-trash-prince]

I know that, based on what's been said in promotional material etc that Alan is probably gonna make some poor choices under duress this season, but I am so interested in the potential he has for growth at this very moment.

Because Kim just left X-Hunter based on Alan's favoritism, and despite Alan's reassurances, you can see it on Alan's face that he's thinking of Dean and how hurt Dean was by everything, and Alan is realizing that, even though Kim is handling the situation with more maturity and immediately setting boundaries for himself, Alan has put Kim through the same thing.

Anyways it's really interesting that right as Alan is thinking about the ways he failed Dean, we are headed right into a reunion between the two of them, bc this shot in the teaser is at Alan's house.

And Dean is wearing the same hooded jacket as when he escaped from Manit, and he just so happens to look like someone just tried to kill him and he didn't know where else to go.

I'm climbing the walls at the thought that, despite everything that's happened, despite everything he's done, Dean goes back to his family when he's at rock bottom. And that it happens right after Alan has had Kim tell it to him straight, that Alan plays favorites and expects people to put their careers on hold for "the team."

I really hope that Dean and Alan are able to take this second chance that they've got and to be more honest and open with each other. Because I know that's the back of Dean's head in the preview for ep 2.

Alan, you've been told what you need to fix, and the opportunity to fix it is right in front of you!

I also just really hope we can explore Alan's flaws this season bc we talk a lot about how he's treated as this super old man when really he's like 30 in s1, and how ridiculous that is. But I feel like it gets discussed more often as "silly Thai BLs don't know the meaning of Old" and less as "Alan has been pushed by his slightly-younger-than-him teammates into a Father Figure position that he is not actually equipped to handle." He's collected all these strays, who he loves, but he really truly doesn't know how to take care of all of them.

I am stressed about how badly things could go with Alan, but I also genuinely hope we see some growth from him and from Dean.

[redrosesforlovesblog]

Grace chow X Black Reader (female).

Summary: You are a new comer, fresh out of Tallahassee, and had just turned 20. You’re here in Mississippi to help your father in his tailor shop, until you mean this flirtatious being.

A/n: Now I know it’s been a while but I’m glad to be back considering my last post was 2023. But I was scrolling through sinners fics until I realized there are ABSOLUTELY no Grace fanfics and I’m here to fix that. Enjoy!

Warning!: Age gap, flirting, kissing, cussing, and physical touch/slight mention of sex.

Part 2

You pulled in front of your dad’s shop. Tired, Second guessing your life decisions, but most importantly ready to end the day.

The location of where the shop was set wasn't bad up kept dirt roads, along with street sellers. But your reason of your departure from Florida was just outside waiting for you. “DADDY!” You yell running up to him jumping up in his arms. And just like that you were your daddy's little baby gurl, it was like you never left. “Hey pumpkin!” Your dad says, catching you in his arms tightly surprisingly well considering his age and gray hairs.

You’ve always been a daddy’s girl, everyone knew down in Tallahassee. Your dad set you back down on your feet,Dad continued on your day showing you how to manage the store, measure people size, estimate when projects will be done, and work the new sewing machines.

“Tomorrow’s your first day pumpkin, I’ll be in the next town over… Your uncle Don needs me, but for the rest of this day the shops all yours y/n.”

Ecstatic one could say you were, it was your dream to be like your daddy. The pay was good, and you inherited the family’s great skill of being a tailor.

...

The day continued with you sewing minor rips in clothes, and fixing broken machines until around 8pm aka closing time. As you were just about to get up and flip the sign to “close”.

Until.

came in a woman with just enough Beauty to kill the devil himself.

She had a walk that said "I mean what I say".

A Look like she didn't have to argue she just got what she wanted when she wanted, And oh man that perfect walk she strutted on her way to the checkout counter.

"I need to make a appointment for a tear on my dress."

Man. That voice. Made something in just wanna leap over the counter and do God knows what this woman. And that something just so happen to make you stumble over your own thoughts and words.

It took a few seconds but soon the words flowed out your mouth like your brain was on autopilot.

"yes ma'am what would you like to put a number, or a name on this order."

The only thing running through that thick skull of yours was the thought of how nervous you must look in front of this complete stranger

"Grace.... Grace Chow sweetie."

"damn." you thought to yourself even her name was remarkable so was those lips. Those eyes. And again the star of the show. THAT LEG SHAKING VOICE

"Do you have the dress with you ma'am"

"I'm wearing it. Ripped during my restocking hour at m'shop."

"And where is the tear located."

At this point in the conversation it was miracle you were alive and not on the floor rolling like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

"Near my cleavage."

When saying her words, well these words in particular always had lil bit seductive-ness. The way she traced her fingers around large opened chest cavity caused by the tear.

"Well ma'am I can get that fixed up to you by tomorrow around 12PM how does that sound"

"perfect darling." Grace said with leaning forward on the counter with those perfect arms

That "Darling" damn near had your panties off, and on flagpole swinging.

"I'll assume your the perfect daughter that Mr. Dean likes to mentioned?"

"Oh really." You said with enough volume hoping it would make sound more functional.

"Good to know."

You were so focused of that beautiful being that you forgot about the dress. Well until you try to be a little perv and caught why she was here in the first place.

"I'll take the dress ma'am." The voice crack you let out didn't help this situation at all, and neither did your staring.

"Ready to get me out my clothes that fast sugar plum, no dinner or introduction straight to action and I love it." That finger of hers pulled down on the dress showing more of skin than it should.

"I'm sure you do-" Just be for you got to finish your sentence came in a older gentle men who was clearly unhappy.

"Grace what the fuck are you doing here? I had to lock up both shops! And where that hell is Dean?"

You saw as the color drained from Grace's face and her mouth dropped. "I told you during lunch that I needed to fix my dress, jeez Bo let loose a little!"

To try not escalate the argument and to be nice you let a little wave to the man. And in return you got a look that said "who is you?"

"grace how about we continue this tomorrow have your dress done quick?"

Before Grace got to respond the "Bo" man to her hand leaving the shop with her.

...

That night you laid in your bed tossing and turning she was on your mind like a unpaid late house bill. All you could hope for was to see her tomorrow.

A/n: I hope you enjoyed this potential series, and have a lovely day/night. 😊

[ienjoybeingahater]

Dean Winchester is the open wound in the body that is Supernatural. He is an infection that spreads until it poisons everything around him, no matter if It's a person or a plotline.

At first, he was just annoying and borderline abusive, something that could be explained by his upbringing, that could’ve been explored. There was potential for him to grow, to evolve beyond the toxic traits he inherited from John, to show that people can get better, that your upbringing didn't define you and for a bit, it seemed like he might. But as soon as he showed signs of becoming better, he ripped off the scab of progress and let the wound fester instead. Season after season, rather than improving, he got worse, getting more selfish, hypocritical, and abusive. Instead of healing, he became the rot at the show’s core.

The infection spread beyond just his character however, it consumed the entire narrative. Everything began to revolve around what Dean wanted, how Dean felt, and what Dean needed. The other characters stopped being people with their own agency and instead became tools, existing to serve and cater to his every whim. The story bent itself around him, sacrificing logic, depth, and complexity in favor of ensuring that Dean never had to face real consequences. It ruined the show’s potential. Instead of telling a story about how a bond like Sam and Dean’s (or even Dean’s relationships with Cas, Charlie, etc.) could help someone grow into a better person, they doubled down on Dean’s worst tendencies. Instead of evolving, he dragged everyone else down with him.

One example of how Dean’s toxicity didn’t just warp the narrative but completely destroyed a character is Castiel. Castiel represented something meaningful at the start: the idea that humanity, despite all its flaws, was still worth fighting for and that people can change and form their own opinions even though they've been controlled and manipulated before. He was proof that even among corruption and destruction, there was goodness that made it all worthwhile, that people can forge their own path if they believe in something and act upon said belief.

But, once the writers started throwing rotting breadcrumbs at the Destiel shippers, they stripped Castiel of his character and made everything about Dean. Instead of being a character with his own beliefs, struggles, and development, he was reduced to nothing more than an extension of Dean, an accessory whose only purpose was to suffer for him. And what did Dean do in return? Nothing good. He never treated Castiel as an equal. He constantly belittled and ridiculed him, acting as though Castiel’s sacrifices were either expected or irrelevant.

Castiel went from breaking free of heaven’s control, from questioning blind obedience and learning to think for himself, to willingly throwing himself into another toxic, one-sided dynamic where his needs and wants didn’t matter. He lost everything, his family, his power, his home, his life, and for what? Are we supposed to find it meaningful that Castiel’s entire existence was reduced to a last-minute, half-baked confession that Dean didn’t even acknowledge? That his death scene was brushed aside with no real grief, no impact, no weight? He deserved better than that but the writers decided it would be a good idea to have Castiel’s story amount to nothing. In the end, he was nothing but a footnote in Dean’s narrative, something that mattered for a few minutes before it lost its relevance.

But if Castiel was collateral damage in Dean’s story, Sam was the biggest victim.

From the very beginning, Sam had potential, potential for something beyond hunting, beyond the endless cycle of death and violence that consumed their lives. He had dreams, ambitions, and a future that should have been his. And every step of the way, Dean was there to tear him down. Long before the show even started, Dean was already keeping Sam small, making sure he never realized that he deserved more than a life of blood and misery. Dean wanted Sam trapped in hunting, dependent on him, tied to him forever and that pattern never changed.

He is obsessive and possessive, acting less like a brother and more like an overbearing owner who refuses to let Sam have any independence. The second Sam does anything without telling him, whether it's texting someone, making his own choices, or simply not answering a call, Dean immediately acts like Sam just opened Pandora's Box. He treats Sam’s autonomy as a threat, as if the moment he isn't constantly under surveillance, the world will fall apart.

But he's not just abusive he's also incapable of accepting his mistakes considering that Dean becomes aggressive and defensive as soon as they get brought up. Examples include breaking the first seal which was 'understandable because he got tortured', tricking Sam into getting possessed which was 'something he needed to do because he didn't want Sam to die' (no matter how much Sam wanted to), and locking Sam in the panic room to die because he'd "at least die human". Still, he never hesitates to throw Sam’s mistakes back in his face. Sam is never allowed to forget drinking demon blood, never allowed to forget trusting Ruby, even though she preyed on his vulnerability and caused his addiction to manipulate him. Dean also holds him responsible for being Lucifer’s vessel, even though that was quite literally decided by God. And yet, when Dean makes mistakes suddenly it’s not his fault, and everyone just needs to move on because they all made mistakes (especially Sam, apparently).

But Dean’s hypocrisy doesn’t stop there, oh no. Because when Sam was blamed for "freeing Lucifer," by mistake he alone was expected to fix it, but when Castiel knowingly freed Lucifer suddenly all of them needed to take care of it. The double standard is obvious and tells us the following: Dean plays favorites when it suits him, and when it doesn’t, he shifts the blame onto whoever is most convenient which more often than not, means Sam is getting blamed.

And yet, despite treating Sam like a scapegoat, he also treats him like a trophy, a possession, something he has complete control over. He needs to know where Sam is, who he's talking to, and what he's doing or he'll pretend like the world is ending.

But he doesn’t just control Sam, he's not just hypocritical and abusive, he also sabotages his storylines at every turn. I'm saying that because every time Sam had an interesting plotline, something that could have made the show richer and more compelling, something that could've made Sam stronger, Dean was there to ruin it.

Sam's demon blood arc? Reduced to a mistake Dean never let him forget about, rather than the complex story about addiction and manipulation that it could have been. Not to mention the fact that even before Ruby used Sam's grief to get him addicted Dean judged Sam for having the blood inside him in the first place; as if it was his fault Mary made that deal, as if Sam could have stopped yellow eyes as an infant.

Sam as the Boy King of Hell? Dropped without explanation and never picked up again (until years later for one minute that is). I personally think they dropped that particular arc because Dean would have been insufferable towards Sam during it which they couldn't do considering 'Dean is such a cool guy'. It was the same with Sam being psychic: Dean would never accept the fact his brother wasn't what he wanted him to be so the plotline was scrapped.

Sam's hell trauma? No need to explore it or show the lasting effects because Dean would be sad if Sam wasn't perfectly fine after his mangled soul got forced back into his body (by Dean, mind you).

Sam being suicidal? Why explore that if you can do other, more interesting things with Dean instead?

Even Sam’s relationship with Jack was downplayed. The parallels between Sam and Jack alone make it obvious that the relationship between the two of them should have been the focus of Jack’s introductory season. Sam, who spent his life struggling under the weight of what he was supposed to be, who was told time and time again that he was dangerous, that his powers made him evil, was the perfect person to guide Jack through the same struggles. But that wasn’t explored. The fact that Sam was raising the child of the man who abused and controlled him, the child of the being that essentially destroyed Sam's life and psyche even though he was probably scared to death every time he saw Jack wasn't explored either.

Jack’s entire story should have revolved around his relationship with Sam, the person who treated him with kindness, and who tried to help him even though his father was, like I said, the being who abused him for centuries. Their relationship should have been so much more but it wasn’t and why?

Because they needed to shove Dean into Jack’s story instead. Even though Sam was the one who treated him with kindness, who defended him, and who saw him as more than just a weapon, the writers made sure to include forced bonding scenes between Dean and Jack so that they could pretend Dean had always been the father figure. I'm sure they did that so Destihellers and the writers could pretend Cas and Dean were Jack's parents even though everyone who watched the show should know that isn't true no matter how much certain people might want it to be.

Alone the fact that Dean threatened to kill Jack should make that obvious.

The sad thing about all of this is that Sam was supposed to be the main character but when fans decided Dean was cooler, the writers catered to them instead of telling a story about the person that's objectively more interesting.

So in conclusion, Dean Winchester wasn’t just a toxic character; he was an infection that spread through the entire show, warping the story, ruining the characters, and dragging Supernatural down with him. Every plotline, every relationship, every moment of potential was sacrificed so that he could remain the center of attention. The show could have been so much more, but instead, it chose to revolve around the worst thing in it: Dean.

(I will make separate posts about Sam and Castiel as well)

Side note: I wrote this at 3 a.m. because I couldn't sleep and saw people waxing poetry about Dean on Twitter.

[deans-baby-momma]

Chapter 2

Summary: When Jensen admits to going home with someone else, will his and Y/N's marriage survive?

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, smut, language

Jensen walks into their room with tears flowing down his face. He is devastated. 

Y/N - his wife, his best friend, his everything - is kicking him out. And deep down, he knows she has every right but he couldn't consider that for the pain he felt.

If only she'd let him explain, but what would he tell her? He is the one who fucked up. It is his fault!

Jensen quickly packs a duffel bag of his belongings before heading back downstairs. 

Y/N is still standing in the destroyed kitchen, her back to him with her arms across her chest.

He takes one last look at her and says, “I love you” before he walks out the door.

Jensen has nowhere to go; he is miles and miles away from his family -in another country- and he doesn't want to go to Jared's.

He can't bear more of the judgmental looks his friend had given him when it all happened. So he heads to his home away from home, away from home. 

Jensen unlocks and opens the trailer before walking up the steps and closing the door.

He sits the bag he had hastily packed on the counter before heading to the fridge to get a bottle of  water.

He is swearing off all alcohol. Booze is the crux of his problems. His willingness to imbibe in a nightcap with his friends is what led him here; staying in his trailer on set and his marriage over.

As he lay in his bed that night, alone and secluded, he let his feelings show. He cries for how his life has turned out, he cries because he hurt Y/N and he cries because he knows there is no fixing it.

The next morning, he showers and is heading out the door when he sees Jared approaching. 

“Dude, you got here early,” the tall man jests.

“Yep,” is all Jensen replies.

Jared falls into pace with Jensen as they head towards set, completely unaware of the turmoil in his friend's life.

“Gen wants to have a cookout the weekend after next, when we go back to Texas. You and Y/N are invited of course.”

Jensen just hums in acknowledgement. He isn't in the mood to tell his coworker that there would be no more him and Y/N.

The minutes turn into hours, hours into days, and days into weeks yet Jensen doesn't try to contact Y/N and he continues to sleep in his trailer on set. 

At first, he was upset. Upset with himself for being so naive and trusting, then upset because Y/N didn't give him a chance to explain. That turned into disgust at himself for allowing himself to even be put in the situation he's in. 

Next came anger. He was mad. If Y/N had just listened and let him tell her that he had quickly come to his senses and realized what a mistake he'd made, maybe she would've been more understanding and they would still be together.

After not hearing from his wife for two weeks, he knew their marriage was over. He expected to receive divorce papers any day. She was done. Done with him, done with the life they'd built. Just done.

One month since that fateful night when he confessed his biggest screw-up and his wife kicked him out, he had come to terms with his new life.

He was miserable though and he knew people were beginning to take notice. 

Jared had caught on pretty quickly that his friend- his brother- was sleeping at the lot and had asked.

Jensen had explained about what happened; from stupidly trusting a fan, to coming clean to Y/N, to the reason he was practically living in his trailer.

Knowing the whole story, Jared had offered to call Y/N and try to smooth it out but Jensen had refused.

He was in the guilt stage at this point. He had wronged her and no one could fix it. 

On set, he morphed into his character of Dean Winchester easily.  Dean had a good hold on the pensive and broody aspect. And acting out as his character helped him take his mind off the turmoil of his life.

So Jensen put all his emotion into his character and gave some of his best performances. Still it didn't help. He still felt tainted.

“Mom. Mom. Mom!” Jensen demands into the phone, halting his mother's speech. “Just leave Y/N alone. It's not her fault. She did nothing wrong. I messed it up okay?”

He rolls his eyes as his Mom continues berating him and begging him to do whatever it took to repair his marriage. 

“If I promise to try, will you and Mack please leave Y/N alone? No more calling to tell her how I'm doing. No more checking in to see if we've talked. Please Mom? I'm begging here,” he pleads again.

He sighs as he hears her reluctantly agree. “Thank you. I love you. Tell dad I love him too. Bye.”

Jensen hangs the phone up and places it on the coffee table as the door opens and Jared walks in with Cliff, their bodyguard/driver/friend. 

The look of apprehension on both of their faces alarmed Jensen. He can tell whatever it is, it isn't good news.

“What?” he inquires, mentally preparing for whatever they're here to tell him.

But no amount of preparedness would suffice as Jared hands him a magazine. Jensen flips it over to see the cover and he feels as if the floor has opened up and his stomach swooped, dipped and dived as if he were on the world’s most deadly roller-coaster. 

‘I'm pregnant with Jensen Ackles’ baby’.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW:

“What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?”

Jensen lifts his head and looks at Y/N despondent.

“I used my key,” he whispers. “We need to talk.”

“No, we don't,” she replies, flippantly. “Go talk to the mother of your unborn child.”

If you would like to be tagged, please interact with me in some way: message, ask, comment.

Tagging my FOREVERS: @spnbaby-67 @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam   @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke @supraveng @@lyarr24 @kazsrm67 @chriszgirl92 @deanwithscissors @raisinggray @fanfic-n-tabulous @hobby27 @stoneyggirl2 @purpleeclipseeggsland @kmc1989 @leigh70 @nancymcl @muhahaha303 @justwhisperingfantasies @jackles010378 @monkey-d-hoshizora98 @deanna45 @ozwriterchick

[profoundbondfanfic]

Hey I have been looking for Dark Dean and Castiel fics where Dean is OBSESSED with Castiel do you have any recommendations?

Hey hey! Sorry for the delay, but I hope these recs are welcomed now just in time for Halloween.

A bit of a warning though -- some of these fics get really dark and involve very intense subjects so pls mind the tags before reading these.

all that’s sacred comes from youth by fullvoid (Mature, 8k words)

Teenage Dean has a dark, possessive streak he hides well. But when he and Cas agree to get married at age 35 if neither of them has by then, he finds he can't quite just leave it at that and spends years stalking Cas from the shadows and sabotaging every relationship he starts. Or Dean, in love with his best friend Cas and obsessed with a pact they made when they were 17 years old, gets rid of his boyfriends one by one through escalating means.

Between Love and Agony by Duckyboos (Explicit, 53k words)

Dean Winchester is in love. Like, bonafide heart eyes and deep sighs, hung-the-moon love. There's just one problem: the lucky guy is his husband's identical twin, Castiel. The two of them have been having a kinky affair for years, burrowing under each other’s skin and setting up camp. Which is why, after Castiel goes missing, Dean’s about ready to tear the world apart looking for him. When Castiel eventually returns to him, he’s been through literal hell, managing to drag himself out, bloody and raw, for Dean. Together, they discover a way to make Castiel whole again — though the price will be gruesome… and there will certainly be hell to pay.

CONventional Psychopathy 'Verse by Mayalaen (Explicit, 441k words)

Castiel Novak is a Cleaner. One of the agency's best. He and his Handler, Dean Winchester, have a high success rate in a world where the worst criminals aren't imprisoned for their crimes, but instead are captured by licensed serial killers who dispose of them, doing what they do best while getting paid for it. Cas doesn't form attachments, doesn't leave himself open for a risk like that, but Dean wormed his way into Cas' life and into his house. Does Dean realize what falling in love with a serial killer really means?

Do Anything For You by ImYourHoneyBee (Explicit, 7k words)

“How’re you feeling?” his earlier worry and fear have faded into the background because of how freaking good Jimmy looks right now, but that’s the thing to ask. Besides, even if he was planning on killing him soon, propriety has to be observed. Dean has a reputation to uphold as a fine, upstanding citizen in this city. Patrick Bateman wishes he was as smooth as Dean is. “Better than the guy who hit me,” Jimmy tells him with uncharacteristic bluntness, nodding toward the curtained-off bed, “I overheard the doctors saying he flatlined around the same time I did.” “Oh shit,” Dean says, glancing over to try and mask the sick roil that sets up shop in his stomach. “He make it?” The ghost of a smile plays over Jimmy’s chapped lips, “He’s in a better place now.” x The one where Cas's soul takes over Jimmy's body.

Free to Be You and Me by jhoom (Explicit, 49k words) --- This says incomplete but it's a satisfying ending so we think the author just didn't close it out.

Dean lost his parents in a fire when he was younger, and he’s never been the same since. Based on the prompt: "I was ten years old when I witnessed the murder of my entire family. The police told me that the person I saw commit the crime was a figment of my imagination - a result of the trauma - but I couldn’t let it rest. In a strange way, they saved me - with everyone else gone I might have gone to pieces, but I HAD to find the killer, so I held it together, I got through school, I rose through the ranks of detective, and now finally, finally, I’m on their trail. I have to find them. I have to meet them. I have to tell them that I love them."

Hello Night by almaasi (Explicit, 11k words)

Demon!Dean/Priest!Cas AU. Castiel summons Dean to the crossroads, and he only wants one thing: him.

Make Me by saltnhalo (Explicit, 4k words)

A beautiful man on a motorbike shows up at Castiel's business with a t-shirt that says Make me and a smirk that could put the devil to shame. How is Castiel possibly meant to resist?

Monsters by Miss_Lv (Explicit, 11k words)

Castiel prayed to God, to help them, to save them. God never answered. But Dean did. It was the monster who saved Castiel, not God.

Seven Heavenly Virtues by Strixes (Explicit, 108k words)

The Mark of Cain turns Dean into a demon once more. Dean is adamant that this time he's found a way to keep the mark under control but it's clear to Castiel that Dean needs help if he's going to fight the mark's influence until they can find a way to get rid of it. More than anything Castiel wants to save him, but if anyone needs to be saved it's Castiel as he tries to navigate where Dean ends and the Mark of Cain begins.

The Prodigal Bond by vipjuly (Explicit, 68k words)

In exchange for conjugal visits, Dean Winchester gives FBI Supervisory Special Agent Castiel Novak all the dirt he needs to bring down national crime rings. It's a tit-for-tat situation; primal, animalistic, and probably ten kinds of illegal. When a case is revealed to be closer to Castiel than what he considers safe, he and Dean must work together to make sure that Crowley goes down for good. Will Castiel be able to keep Dean at arm's length, or will the charming convict finally get what he's been asking for all along? What lengths will Castiel go to... at Dean's behest?

These Violent Delights by SomethingBlue42, xfancyfranart (Explicit, 43k words)

Dean Winchester, war vet and functioning alcoholic with a life that’s going nowhere, takes a job at Baltimore Hospital for the Criminally Insane. Dean had never heard of Dr. Castiel Novak notorious serial killer and cannibal given he’d been dodging bullets and performing field triage during Novak’s sensational trial. Seasoned orderly Rufus lays out the rules: Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper - no pencils, no pens. Use the sliding food carrier only, no exceptions. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. And most importantly: don't tell him anything personal. But Dean was never much for following the rules and Castiel has a way of making Dean feel like he isn’t the grade-a loser his hot-shot FBI agent brother thinks he is. Then, a senator’s daughter goes missing, setting forth a chain of events that put Dean on a path that forces him to choose where his loyalties lie and just how far he’s willing to walk into the dark.

This Tainted Love You've Given by LazarusRose, xfancyfranart (Explicit, 17k words)

Everyone has their hobbies—Dean’s just happens to involve a lot more blood and screaming than most people’s. And sure, maybe murder isn’t the nicest way to blow off steam, but Dean’s always thought that being nice is overrated anyway. His latest victim, a pretty guy with startling blue eyes, should be nothing special, just another nameless body on Dean’s list. But then, after Dean kills and buries him, he turns back up at Dean’s house again the next day. What’s a guy to do when they’ve accidentally gotten an immortal witch convinced that they’ve got some kind of profound bond?

Happy Halloween!!👻🎃

[scoobydoodean]

WAIT WAIT WAIT pleaseeee expand on sam separating his soul himself??? i’ve literally never heard this before (i really wanna agree cause i just can’t work out how cas just did not realize he’d forgotten sam’s soul)

This is just a pet theory I have. I first suggested it here when talking to Shal about Bobby not clocking Sam as soulless. The TL;DR is that Sam has a tendency to create emotional distance to protect himself from grief and other painful emotions. Shal's careful examinations of scripts reveal that it's even in the script direction when Mary dies that "Sam disassociates". In 8.08, Sam is paralleled with Fred, who disassociated to deal with grief (I talk about Sam distancing himself from his emotions in season 8 more largely here). I've been slowly collecting (when I remember) little bits and pieces around this idea that Sam tries to distance himself from his emotions in the tag #i just stopped—named that because of 11.11 when—after being confronted by Lucifer—Sam apologizes for leaving Dean in Purgatory, saying—seeming perplexed by his own actions:

I should've looked for you. When you were in Purgatory, I... I should've turned over every stone. But I didn't. I stopped. And I've never forgiven myself for it.

So this pet theory I have is that in The Cage, to cope with the torture being inflicted on him, Sam simply separated his soul from his body. It was the most extreme possible case of dissociating from his own suffering possible.

6.22 strengthens my belief in this theory because Sam splitting into three pieces is treated as a defense mechanism. It's kind of like an Id/Ego/Superego situation, except that the pieces are soulless Sam, Sam the hunter and family man, and the Sam who remembers hell.

SOULLESS!SAM: Well, your BFF Cas brought the Hell-wall tumbling down and you, pathetic infant that you are, shattered into pieces. (he points at Sam) Piece. (he points at himself) Piece.

SAM: I - I have no idea what you're talking about. SOULLESS!SAM: Why would you? You're jello, pal. Unlike me. SAM: What are you? SOULLESS!SAM: I'm not handicapped. I'm not saddled with a soul. In fact, I used to skipper this meatboat for a while. It was smooth sailing. I was sharp, strong. That is, 'til they crammed your soul back in. Now look at you. Same misty-eyed milksop you always were. That's because souls are weak. They're a liability. Now, nothing personal, but run the numbers. Someone's got to take charge around here, before it's too late. 

Sam and soulless Sam have a power struggle inside Sam's head over who gets control. Soulless Sam is really an enforcer, trying to protect Sam from his worst memories. As we see after Sam kills him:

You think I'm bad? Wait 'til you meet the other one.

Then when Sam finds the other part of himself:

SAM: I have to know what you know. What happened in the cage? TORTURED!SAM: Trust me, you don't wanna know it. SAM: You're right. But I still have to. TORTURED!SAM: Sam, you can't imagine. Stay here, go back, find that bartender, go find Jess, but don't do this. I know you. You're not strong enough. SAM: (exhales) We'll just have to see.

Of course, one could argue that Sam's subconscious creates this scenario with soulless Sam and the Sam who remembers hell because Death told them Sam would crumble and Soulless Sam was scared of the fallout of having his soul reinstalled. But idk. I feel like it goes deeper than that, and tortured Sam and soulless Sam's attempts to protect Sam from the truth feed into that to me.

[prapaiwife]

In all seriousness I know we all don't trust Dean or some of us have just left it open to see how can he prove his loyalty. But if Dean really didn't make it can you imagine what Alan is going to feel. I mean all of them are going to feel terribly sad and the grief is going to be just unbearable. Regardless if they were not close to Dean as it may have seemed or they were just close with him that's again a friend a part of their family.

Even though the horrible things he did. In his last moments he kept his word to turn his life around and realize the people in his life were the ones who were there for him the most. And speaking of Alan in particular he was the one who took him back even into his home to give him a place to stay till he got back on his feet. Even when he knows that Alan was the one who made the call to put him in jail I think he knew obviously the response or the answer wasn't probably going to be in his favor he took a chance to go there and show his face. Dean knows what he did was wrong and I don't think he blames Alan for what he did at that time with the situation that was literally in front of him that he put him in really because of the decision that he chose to make and the people's backs that he turned on. But Dean has been very remorseful not too just Alan but to everyone in the group. When you think about the scene that he had with North and being a really good advisable friend to give advice about what he should do and his situation with sonic. The conversation you have a Sonic and knowing that things between them were very tense and not blaming Sonic at all for how he feels knowingly that he made him feel that way. But promising again to continuously show himself to be trusted again. Cuz I think he knows things can't just go back to what they were or he can do is start over and just be a better version of himself for everyone and for himself especially.

But back to alan because Alan is very much so a family man and all of these people in his life they are his literal Brothers. And they all lean on him and he wants them to he wants them to come to him and I have any hesitancy any discomfort it should just be comfortable when you're working with him it shouldn't feel like just like a working relationship in the garage. It should feel like a personable relationship outside of work when they can just hang out and talk but anything and everything. But I mean in this episode babe was just like leaning on him for some support emotionally. While Alan is going through literally his own health issues of his own. Yet all of that goes on the back burner when his family and lover needs him.

And so I can imagine if they tell him that Dean didn't make it. And just imagining what Alan wishes he could've told him like being proud of him. He proved it to the last moment that his loyalty for his friends was all he cared about because again they were the ones who were there for him since the beginning and now. Even when he left them for jealousy and out of spite. He went back to them knowing that there will be a chance that they weren't going to have him come in with open arms. Says a lot about how he does realize that these types of people don't get them all the time in your life. And he has been through the roughest of the rough but has come out of it and he was really on a good track and it's just sad if he really did die that this is how his story had to end.

That aside Lee is such a good actor his scenes especially with sai are some of the best scenes in my opinion!! Him and sai chemistry in the scenes are so great when they have arguments or just the heartfelt ones you feel that brotherhood connection so well. Cuz a lot of Dean scenes are with Alan in particular I mean he's with everyone but mostly so with Alan but that's just my Lee heart fan speaking!!

[marginofthought]

hi queennn, i’m experiencing some drought can u recommend some extremely good wincest fics that u LOVE pretty please? 🫶

This is probably really disappointing because quite frankly I have not read much lately (or this year) But here are some that I had bookmarked that I honestly do not remember right now, so I am trusting past me. Also, these are not close to canon so be warned if that is what you are looking for:

Five Conversations Dean Doesn’t Have With His Brother About Their Wedding + One That He Does by Dyed_Red: "I made you a promise in that church" ends up being a lot more literal than Dean had realized. How exactly does one tell their brother they're married?

To Hell and Back sadly orphaned: Dean's deal is seven months from coming due when he finds out that Ben's really his kid. They take Ben in, because Winchesters never leave family, not if they can help it. So they get out of the hunting life and settle down. Only problem? Dean's started to fall for Sam. (definitely not for canon loving peeps)

Not My Heaven by FictionalNutter: Follows Dark Side Of The Moon. Sam doesn't understand what was wrong with his Heaven, and Dean is struggling to trust a brother who so clearly didn't care for his family. After hurtful words are exchanged and Sam leaves, Castiel finds himself explaining exactly how Heaven should've been for the Winchesters, and Dean realizes that he and Sam truly need each other.  The Dean/Sam is more implied than anything else, based on the concept that they're soulmates. So, this isn't proper Wincest, but it can easily be read that way if you're looking for it.

At Dawn A New Sun Rises by vaelaerion: Since he presented as an alpha at fourteen, Sam’s always felt a disconnect with his dynamic. He’s kept it a secret from most, along with a few other things—especially from Dean. One night Sam wakes up alone in an alley with no idea how he got there, only to discover the following day that he’s not an alpha anymore—he’s an omega. Now everything Sam’s tried to keep hidden slowly starts to unravel.

Show Them Our Bones by Writerforthem: It's been a long time since things were this bad between them. Since the last time Dean decided he didn't give two shits about what Sam said. It's bad enough to make Sam cringe now, wondering how he'll ever get on Dean's good side again. If that's even possible. How does one say 'Sorry, I didn't rescue you from Purgatory'? You don't, he thinks to himself. Finding an empty house in the woods where hikers have been disappearing might not be the best place to finally clear the air, but it seems as if they won't have much choice once Sam gets taken and Dean is faced with just how bad Sam is dealing with their current conflict.  (→  I do remember this one and I love it)

If You're Warm, Then You Can't Relate To Me by gothpandaotaku: Post S10E22 The Prisoner. "You know what I think? I think it should be you up there." The words keep running through Sam's head, like a song on repeat. The worst part is, he agrees with Dean. It should be him up there. How the hell is he supposed to tell Dean he's

[shallowseeker]

hey what if jack got Really mad at castiel using him as an excuse to stick around. it feels SIMILAR but not quite the same as sam using him to open up a portal. like legitimately i think jack would feel a bit gutted at the idea that someone who made him feel safe enough that he promised cas anything so he'd stick around, only cared about him (AT FIRST. I Can't Stress This Enough.) because it gave cas an excuse to stay on earth. the whole "jack made us a family but he's gone now"

Yeah, that’s one of the reasons I love this view that Cas’s initial reaction to Jack… was tangled up w/ his own identity crisis.

The fodder for potential family baggage is just… Nnnngh!!!!

(Aside// love the idea of this fight: that Jack himself wasn’t what made Cas stay: it was what Jack signified at the time.)

///

Faith in the future:

In 12x19, it reads to me like Jack’s existence validated Castiel’s faith in something bigger than himself, which, after so much doubt/crisis/vulnerability, made him feel strong again.

To Cas, Jack became a symbol of the Future. But at his lowest point, instead of hoping for a better future, Cas clung to Jack as proof that everything was unfolding as it was meant to—as a symbol of Fate.

Looking positively towards the future ISN'T necessarily a bad thing, so long as it doesn't swing too far into positive nihilism, and like I’ve said before... hoping for Big Things(TM) from your child is a common metaphor for parental struggle.

But it does mean that in those early days, Castiel’s devotion to Jack was wrapped up in what Jack represented as much as who Jack actually was.

///

Strong again:

And that vision of Cas’s in the 12x19 script—man. Cas doesn’t just see a world where Jack brings peace to the Winchesters. He sees himself transformed. Jack gives Sam freedom, gives Dean peace, and gives Cas a sense of power and purpose again. Cas is standing there shirtless and imposing, protective as an angel should be, while Dean is in extreme close-up, saying thank you.

Whether you interpret it as explicitly sexual or not, there’s an undeniable intimacy in how it's framed.

The through-line of Cas’s strength runs all the way from not being able to find the boys in prison (First Blood) to Ishim (Lily Sunder…) to Ramiel (Stuck in the Middle with You). He doesn’t want them to protect him. That’s anathema to Cas.

He wants a win for Dean… and for himself. This one of the few chunks of time that focuses not on what Cas does, but on how he is seen… and he’s seen by Dean. That’s significant to me.

///

That pesky brainwashing:

And Jack’s brainwashing capacity, whether you think it was Jack’s subconscious or Chuck’s interference, adds even more stuff to why Cas was so immediately, fervently devoted.

I think that if Jack ever came to realize the truth of THAT, even partially, it would hurt like mofo, don’t you?

omfg he didn't really love me he doesn't really love me etc (Note/edit: It's implied here that Jack had no idea.)

///

We do actually get a glimpse of Cas and Jack fighting in 14x02:

JACK: It wasn’t a risk. CAS: To—to go out there alone? Jack, you have been on the radar of every angel and demon and power broker in creation since the day you were born and I’m sorry, but you’re not exactly yourself. JACK: Weak and defenseless, you mean. CAS (teeth gritting): I mean that the possibility of capture is real, yes.

It nice, because usually what we see is Cas being stern with Jack, and Jack listening silently, eyes downcast.

Respectful.

But here, when Cas berates him—Jack chafes, stepping up into Castiel’s space, eyes flashing.

Jack is frustrated by being viewed as “stupid."

So, Jack throws a barb: that he wanted to see his real family. The way he spits those words echoes Dean in 5x21—when he looks Bobby in the eye and says "You’re not my father."

If Jack REALLY wanted to hit Cas where it hurts, though:

CAS: You’ve been on the radar of every angel and demon and power broker since you were born!

All Jack REALLY has to do and turn around and say that maybe Cas was one of those power brokers.

This would be fertile ground for a fight that reveals too much: Jack charging Cas with being a power broker, and Cas accidentally revealing that acting to protect Jack wasn’t 100% of his own free will at first.

The devastation on Jack’s face is immediate, and Cas scrambles to reassure him—"It’s my choice now." 

But the damage is done.

I think this could create a deep fracture in their relationship—one that’s not easily mended.

Now that I think about it, this might be a more realistic way for the Big Fight(TM) to begin between the two of them.

[spikedblanket]

hikaru ga shinda natsu s1 wincest au where sam disappears on a hunting trip:

dean, after days of searching in the woods screaming himself raw, finally returns to the motel room. sam hasn't ever gone missing like that, not since he was a kid and didn't want to be found. they're past all of that now, they're finally okay, which means that sam's in deep shit and it's dean's fault.

they left the television on while leaving in such a hurry, and it's blaring commercials for local contractors, diners. sam's clothes are still folded neatly in the drawers, even though they'd only planned to stay three days at most.

dean goes to the front desk to buy another week in the room. too shaken to realize that he looks fucking insane, covered in dirt and his own blood, though the latter's dried enough to blend with the first. the smell hanging around him gives him away - sharp, metallic, wrong. the front desk clerk eyes him weird. hands him a new set of towels.

dean showers, totally numb, the water either too hot or too cold to register as any kind of pain. just lets it slough over him until it runs semi-clear and stumbles into bed. the wet leaches from him into the sheets. his last thought before sleep is that the bed feels like a tract of sweating skin.

he bolts awake at four in the morning. blinking into the neon-red gash of the numbers on the alarm clock, he decides that five hours of sleep is enough, more than enough, and gets dressed to go back outside. he hesitates before reaching into sam's drawer, pulls out the khaki jacket - one of two that sam has. his own is out of commission for now, anyways.

he puts it on, thinks about how big it is - at least as big as their father's jacket is on him. he thinks about what that means - clothes and the fact that the right people aren't there to wear them. vestigial bits of his family lying limp across the backs of chairs, hanging quietly in closets. reanimated by him and him alone.

he's got a hand on the doorknob when he hears something scratching on the other side. like it doesn't know you're supposed to knock.

he takes a step back. he's not stupid enough to let hope be the thing that gets him killed, so he stays quiet. the scratching stops after a little while, like the thing is recalibrating, and starts thumping at the door with the flat of its hand. hey, it calls. hey, it's me.

if it were a shapeshifter, the transition'd be too smooth. it'd already be trying to worm its way under dean's skin using sam's memories, mannerisms, like an actor that's so good they start running through their lines a little too quick. but something else is obviously off.

dean grabs the holy water, the salt, the works, and arms himself with a silver knife. he opens the door quick, pulls the thing inside, slams it into a wall.

it's "sam".

staring wide-eyed at dean, looking about as good as dean did when he got back, which is to say, like total shit. the holy water rinses some mud away from his face so dean gets a better look at him when he pries his mouth open to shove salt inside. he hooks his thumbs underneath "sam"'s lip to reveal those familiar, blunt fangs, the throat struggling to close, gagging on the dissolving salt. "sam" lets him.

he also lets him cut a line into his forearm. dean watches his face for any of those telltale, out-of-the-ordinary pain reactions and gets nothing. sam can take it. apparently, "sam" can too.

it's me, he says again. dean wants it to be. he's run the gamut of monster-tests, so it must be, and he pulls him in close, relief drowning out the alarm bells ringing in his head.

what happened to you? dean asks. where were you?

we were chasing that thing, "sam" says, and i - i fell. i fell and hit my head. i must have rolled under something, somewhere where you couldn't see me.

dean combed those woods. he knows that isn't true. but he pulls away from "sam", and "sam" looks at him, his face closer than normal. holding on for longer than he usually does. a calculated look in his eyes like he doesn't know what he and dean are to one another. running through a limited understanding of the permutations of human relationships, the ways he can test the waters.

a sickening possibility presents itself to dean. an opportunity.

there's no time before recognition clicks into place and shutters it off, forever, so dean acts on instinct. presses his knee a half inch further between "sam"'s legs before he knows what he's doing.

they stay like that for a minute, dean's hand on "sam"'s shoulder and his forearm on the wall behind his head, slanting himself in closer. pressing one side of his body flush against his. maybe an outsider who's seen them fighting before wouldn't know the difference. dean does.

"sam" smiles like he's got the right answer.

dean can't meet his eyes, so he lets up and pushes him towards the bathroom. he listens to the water running and tries his best not to shoot himself before "sam" comes out, because what the fuck is he thinking?

what is that thing?

dean watches him fall asleep. doesn't sleep himself. makes the decision to keep them both in this town until he can find out what's happened to the real sam. chalks up his freak behavior to keeping track of the difference between the two.

but "sam" makes that difference plain. in the morning, dean watches him try to scrape mud off of their father's jacket before giving up and putting it on. what are you doing? he asks, numb.

"sam" stops, his arms going still in sleeves that hit right at the wrists. like they're supposed to.

dean sits through some lame excuse about wanting to switch things up and doesn't miss the way his eyes wander over to the khaki jacket, logging away new information for later. they trade clothes.

when they head out to the impala, "sam" lags behind like he doesn't know which car is theirs instead of beelining for shotgun, the two of them splitting off like the prongs of a wishbone, an easy, fine-tuned movement carved into every space they've been in together.

dean doesn't need a map to head back to the woods, but tells "sam" to open one up anyway. sam leans over to point out the turns, brushes against dean's hand, leans lightly into his arm. laughs big and bright at the jokes he manages to make, stares hard at dean's profile in a way that makes him sweat.

he doesn't have to tell "sam" what they're looking for. being back in those woods seems to unlock this instinctive, territorial side to him. one that doesn't want to go back. one that wants to stay here, with dean.

so he pulls out all the stops. lays a casual hand on dean's thigh when they're breaking for a lunch of slim jims and skittles, licks the melted sugar from his lips slow and leaves them parted so dean can just make out the red of his dyed tongue. looks at dean like he wants something from him. dean can only imagine what his own face is saying. it's probably some mix of hunger and agony, please personified.

they do that for ten days straight: dean searching, getting nowhere. "sam" working his way to the core of him.

and whenever dean looks unsettled, whenever dean starts itching for more answers, more time under those trees looking for a piece of the real sam that explains any of this, "sam" will learn how to distract him.

he flatters dean. slides his fingers into the hidden places dad's jacket normally covers up - the insides of his wrists, the seam where his jaw and ear meet, the side of his neck. convinces him to skip town, i hear wyoming's beautiful in november, flashing those pretty teeth in smiles that almost look right. acts like the next town over is hawaii when dean finally agrees to take them someplace else.

but it's not far enough. something in that forest wants him back.

and dean would give him to it. scrap this entire project, torch the evidence - he's scared of "sam," scared of himself - but each passing day eclipses the idea that anyone else is waiting for him in the ashes. there's no hand reaching back. no little brother that isn't good but tries to be, for him. For once.

"sam" is offering. all dean needs to do is take.

when the time comes, it'll be so easy. that's what makes it sick.

they head west. a perfect corpse in the passenger seat and a shitty memorialist at the wheel.

[lol-jackles]

It's been a while since we talked about SPN. So I wanted to ask you what you think of this essay on Sam (if you have the patience to listen to it, it's about 20 minutes). For some things the author's opinions are legitimate but for others, in my opinion, they are not. Especially for the finale, on which I do not share this opinion at all. www*youtube*com/watch?v=xLCB4RhiP5A&t=4s

I'm not even going to add the link, which tells you what I think of Rachel's opinion. I only agree that season 4 was a bit of a misfire.

Three minutes into the video and I was already bored with her complaints over the "lack" Sam's autonomy and pov.  Her Dean blaming got old really fast. Yeah, Dean is unfair towards Sam but 1) that's what brothers do, and most importantly 2) that's what happens to main characters, they constantly get shitted on. One of the biggest reliefs in real life is realizing you're not the main character. In The X Files, Mulder is called a loser even by the freaks and rarely given grace. Nobody apparently trusts Bode in Fire Country despite saving lives. Xena was always getting reminded of her less stellar past in Warrior Princess.

Sam girls get mad when stuff from Sam’s past gets brought up because they think he’s being unfairly punished for it.  At least Sam’s past is valid enough to be mentioned.  Cas’s storyline gets the LOL treatment and Dean’s arcs are always getting dropped; his hell trauma, tenure as the torturer’s apprentice, Michael’s vessel, demon, MOC, all are dropped and largely forgotten.

Probably the only time the AAs and I are in agreement is Dean's pov means squat because Dean isn't being talked about by other characters. Dean and his pov mainly revolve around Sam. To quote a casual observer I found on tumblr: Sam gets the larger story arcs in the show and Dean gets more of the “silly and fun” filler episodes.

As for Sam's autonomy, my guess is she and I have differing views on the meaning of the word. IMO, autonomous characters often have these traits:

A tendency to resist authority (Sam rebelling against John, Dean, Lucifer, and Chuck)

High level of self-assuredness (Sam knows himself outside the hunting lifestyle)

A need for personal space and privacy (Sam is a private person and admits not sharing his deep personal issues with Dean)

A preference for independence in social situations (Sam is not a follower)

An innate desire for control and decision making power (Sam's life long issue, demon blood infection made it worse)

A desire to set and achieve individual goals and aspirations. (Sam's consistent endgame through the entire series)

A character with autonomy means they have ability to act independently and make decisions without being influenced by others. They have strong sense of self, able to think critically, are self-sufficient and able to take responsibility for their actions. Doesn't that last sentence sound like Sam Winchester to the tee?

Oh yeah I very much Disagree with her take on the series finale.  Sam didn't die a bitter old man, what the heck was Rachel watching??? Sam peacefully passed away in his house with his beloved son at his side. Sam's son was clearly a well adjusted young man with a happy childhood. Happy well adjusted offsprings don't come from bitter parents. Sam wasn't bitter, sad yes, but not bitter because he accomplished the goal he had since his own childhood: to have a normal life outside of hunting and raise his own family. Most SPN fans were happy or satisfied with the finale because the Winchester legacy lives on.

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: 1.10 asylum // cn domestic violence

once again, it's sam that's looking for john. he's calling john's friends and colleagues. he suggests calling the Feds to help find john. dean pushes back saying, accurately, that john would hate that.

then john texts dean's phone - a new case. dean is somewhat relieved by this; john is alive and okay enough to give them homework. sam is, understandably pissed.

the case - cop murders his wife then himself - takes them to a bar in illinois where they stage a scene so sam can talk to the cop's old police partner. in the scene, dean plays a reporter badgering for details. sam plays the local hero - pushing dean away from the table and buying the cop a beer.

but he pushes dean hard enough that dean is clearly taken aback and even comments on it later.

DEAN: Shoved me kinda hard in there, buddy boy. SAM: I had to sell it, didn't I? It's method acting.

the episode ends with sam getting controlled by evil dr ellicott. his anger takes over. he shoots dean with rock salt. he would have shot him with live ammo if the gun dean handed him hadn't been empty. it's not the last time spn will have an episode where someone's anger gets magnified and intensified by supernatural forces. 4.14 and 8.06 come to mind.

but i think it's interesting that not only sam's anger - but the violence - were present before ellicott ever got his hands on sam. people have a view, i think, in which dean's more often aggressor in their physical altercations. (it's not true, of course. they're much more evenly split than that). but i think it speaks to the toxic family and culture they were raised in that violence shows up in these ways.

and i think sam is genuinely frustrated with dean for not having as much enthusiasm in searching for john. sam is upset dean is just working the cases john sends. but sam is also clearly mad at john. i mean, 1.20 makes it very clear that sam does not accept the "need to know" basis john has been forcing on them. in 1.02 sam is furious when john doesn't turn out to be in black water ridge and wants to abandon the case.

so sam's mad at dean and mad at john but john's not here.

it reminds me of the scene in 1.20 where john conversely angry with sam for not just taking him at his word and instead pushing back. but he expresses it by telling dean that he's not doing a good enough job taking care of baby.

dean is there to absorb (and try to diffuse) the anger john and sam have for each other.

but critically, dean is also dealing with a huge amount emotional uncertainty about john this season. we know john's left them before - and for long periods. but the pilot makes very clear that this time john has been gone and out of communication longer than normal. once dean's realizes that john is probably okay, he's just left to wonder what john's motivation is for not being in contact. season 14 will tell us that one of john's punishments is distance and silence.

i wonder if that's what dean's thinking about and feeling now. in the last episode, he called john crying to ask for help. in this one - with no check-in or follow up that dean is aware of - john texts him his next job.

when sam's being affected by ellicott, he says "I mean, why are we even here? ’Cause you're following Dad's orders like a good little solider? Because you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval?"

but it's something much more basic than approval that dean is maybe hoping for. and i think he is worried that sam's insistence on not working cases in order to find a john who does not want to be found is going to jeopardize even the small contact he's receiving. of course dean doesn't know john is aware sam is with him. so any time they take away from working the cases john sends, could be read by john as only dean's actions. and, like we see in 1.20, even if it's not dean's actions, he could still face the consequences. and dean knows he's never gotten anything from john by demanding it.

i know im kind of playing a lot of speculation games. but dean's emotional landscape in this season is so important to me. and i think the way his peacekeeper role comes into play and diminishes his ability to voice his own needs is crucial to unpack a bit.

[spindle-girl]

Shadow 5.1

Victoria takes a sad shower, flashback to the talk with Jessica, talking with a guy at Hollow Point, and meeting Rain again

Dean had tried on red jeans once, while I was shopping with him.

i should have started a Dean counter

“Double agent?  Someone under the influence of another?” I asked.

thank fuck. please remember Valefor please please please. i know you got that knowledge in you Vic

“I may not be the best choice- I know you didn’t choose me, exactly.  You wanted me to try and steer the group away from the hero thing.  I volunteered myself for this and you were…”

you've done the exact opposite of that Victoria lmao

I hadn’t gotten to be fussy with other things.  A year after I had gone to the hospital, my mom had donated just about all of my clothes to charity.

hilariously terrible parent. every word I hear about Carol sucks

fair enough Victoria. keep talking about Gallant. one good thing in your life

[...] like saving my first thousand and two thousand dollars, when I’d thought I might move to another city to follow Dean, if the PRT moved him.

why does Wildbow keep writing about the potential of the PRT forcing Dean to move? Were Armsmaster and Piggot just assholes and threatened it (very believable) or did Dean never tell Victoria there was no way he'd get moved because of his family business? (and the fact that the Ward, family, schools, and a bunch of other people have to agree to the move, because that was part of the whole Sophia stuff too)

did i already talk about this and ask if it was a Protectorate thing? even then, if he says no, what are they going to do? fire him?

I opted for the embrace of warm water in lieu of the warm hug of the sweater I’d taken off.  I got into the shower and used my flight, bringing my knees to my chest and hugging my legs tight, closing my eyes.

:(

“No team name, a lot of missing cape names.  I know you don’t like the cape name thing-”

this is so funny. Victoria, she didn't want them to be capes. the names are a non issue in this context

“I don’t even know.  I plan to keep a close eye on him, because I haven’t figured him out and he doesn’t seem like he wants to share any of himself, which makes me worry.  I’ll see if I can figure out what to do.”

Victoria has known Chris for seven days. am i the weird one for thinking this is normal to be standoffish?

“I was thinking of a name to do with swans,” Ashley said, as I clicked.

might not be the best idea with the Simurgh-swan tattoos. Ashley follows Canary and gets cancelled (checks year) 2015

I put out my hand.  When he went to shake it, I grabbed him by the wrist, instead.

what the fuck Victoria. this seems so petty haha

“There’s Prancer to account for too,” I said, releasing Rain’s wrist, approaching, “He’s had a day to think about what we’re doing and a day to get countermeasures in place.  He reassured his friends that he had a handle on this.  Let’s prove him wrong.”

please Prancer kick some ass here. be scary. doesn't have to reach Mathers level, just be threatening. you have two clairvoyants and Tattletale on speed dial i like Kenzie and all but please pose a challenge for her to think and build around

End thoughts:

correct me if i'm wrong, but it seems Jessica and Victoria are stopping themselves from reporting the Fallen's abuse of Rain because it would tie Jessica up in court proceedings that would prevent her from seeing her patients? really leaving him out to dry there

i'm surprised they let Erin leave, but i suppose Rain getting a refresh on Mama makes the Fallen worry less

WAIT! I JUST REALIZED VICTORIA HASN'T ACTUALLY REALIZED RAIN IS UNDER A POWER EFFECT! FUCK!!!

I didn’t like the Fallen.  They scared the shit out of me.  I hated everything they represented.  He’d killed people, children, and it didn’t seem right that he was standing here and that was passing without incident. Maybe his condition, mental and physical, represented just how hard he was fighting to get free.  Maybe it suggested it wasn’t passing without incident.

if you suffer enough then you can get away with anything. don't even need the mind control plot line

[rainbowsndshitig]

Castiel and his grief (angst drabble)

Just a quick a/n: I got some inspiration from some pins on Pinterest but for the life of me I can't all find them, but if I can I'll update this with all them at the bottom <3 thank you, enjoy

"Cas will you just- shut up for once?!"

Dean glared at Castiel, his shoulders tensed and drawn up near his face, his face scrunched slightly in annoyance before falling in realization at what he'd said.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, you know we're working on a hard case, I'm just stressed, please-"

Castiel stood, staring straight forward, unsure of what to say. A wave of this immense… Feeling? Washed over him, making him feel like he was going to be knocked back by its force.

Was this how humans felt? Was this anger? Was this finally what sadness felt like? He had previously known what it was like to be betrayed but not like this. Not like this. Not by his boys. Not by his boy. Not by HIS Dean. His head shook from side to side slowly in a 'no' signal. His hands curled into fists slowly and tightened so tightly they started shaking and felt as if he wasn't even making a fist at all. His jaw tightened and he felt his brows furrow.

His throat and chest felt tight, his eyes dry, his breathing was shaking. Castiel didn't understand. What was this? Why was his body having such a reaction? Yes, he had cried, tears had fell from his eyes, but not in this manner. He felt extremely uncomfortable.

"No. That… That isn't acceptable"

Castiel lowered his gaze to the floor as Dean walked toward him in a rushed manner, only to be too late, Castiel had left to be at a field with flowers and such for a moment of fresh air.

And that memory of emotion, the first of that intensity, caused by something he couldn't remember, brought a sad smile to Castiel's lips as he swallowed dryly. That was years ago, everything is different now.

He was sitting in a rusted, broken down and now nature reclaimed car, that once was loved by the two humans he cared for most. The two humans who now resided in the kingdom from which Castiel originated, Heaven. He smiled and imagined the boys in the front seats, remembering all the drives they had been on. He missed the missions.

Later, he returned to their home, The bunker. The home they all once shared, Before everything ended. He'll have to force himself to smile and remember they earned it, they earned their peace. He'll have to force himself to realize there isn't anything he can do anymore, because he isn't an angel anymore.

To be honest with himself, he didn't know which was harder to come to terms with. Losing the men he was closest with, or knowing he couldn't go up and be up with them, because even if he tried it wouldn't work out.

He missed Dean's laugh, left with only the vague fading echoes from his memories. He missed Sam's caring nature. He missed seeing the two "arguing" in the kitchen. Castiel missed it all, everything. He cant lie, he didn't have the same relationship with Sam as he did with Dean, but he still missed Sam regardless. If he could give it all up to go back to that first night and do it all over again, knowing it would end the same, he would do it just for the sake of being with them again.

They were real, and they were loved, Castiel was loved and they were his family, and now they're gone.

"I'm always happy to bleed for the Winchesters."

Even if he never got anything in return, because being with them was return enough.

One of the images I could find! ↓

[sammysmaddy]

Normal (Winchesters x Reader) - Part Five

Summary: Growing up as the baby of the Winchester family led you to be constantly guarded. Soon enough, you start to learn what's normal between families and what's not.

Characters: Sam, Dean, mentions of Brother!Dean x Sister!Reader, mentions of Brother!Sam x Sister!Reader, mentions of Dad!John x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: angst, mentions of manipulation, Sammy makes a very big realization, mentions of incest.

W/C: 3k+

Normal Masterlist

Masterlist

Dean was a mixture of angry and confused but above all that, he was scared. Sam hadn't said anything about catching Dean kissing his baby sister and Dean wasn't sure if he wanted that conversation to occur or not. 

Dean wasn't sure if Sam would be upset or angry with him, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to figure that out. There was the possibility that maybe Sam thought that Dean had forced himself onto her, but Dean could deal with Sam. Dean, however, wasn't sure if he could handle the wrath of John if he ever found out.

Sam said he didn't care, he didn't even seem too fazed by the entire scene in general, but there was no telling how Sam actually felt. 

It could be that Sam said what he said only so that he could get Dean and Y/N to leave the party. Maybe Sam didn't actually mean it. Maybe he was bottling up his emotions, upset for Y/N, maybe he even wanted to kill Dean, but he was hard to read. 

Sam was always good at hiding his emotions, all except around Y/N, and nobody really knew how to get through to him. Dean didn't know if he should have left it up in the air, or if Sam was even worried about it in the first place, but Dean felt guilty and he had to stop the truth from reaching John.

John would kill Dean if he were the one to have caught him. Pressing Y/N against the wall, towering over her body, kissing her until his lips went numb, touching all parts of her body with his large hands. John would lose his cool, and Dean was absolutely sure of it. 

John would probably scold him for the rest of eternity, tell him how bad of a brother he was- say that he took advantage of her, and Dean couldn't afford anything but praise from John. 

Dean had always been the best under pressure, his reflexes were arguably even better than John's, he was the better investigator, the better everything when it came to hunting. That's the way that John had raised him. 

John wanted Dean to be like him. Be a hunter. Risk his life every day for the wellbeing of others. And Dean was exactly that. If John ever found out about what Sam saw, Dean was afraid that he would never be looked at the same again. 

But, what about John?  Where had John been for the past hour? Y/N wasn't home and she's the one who rode with him in the truck. 

Y/N was the one who accidentally told Dean, and although he didn't have much information, he knew that something was going on between the two of them. 

Was John hurting her? Did Y/N tell him about what Dean had done? Did she know that it wasn't normal to be with your father like that? It wasn't right and as much as Dean's perverted mind wanted for her to stay so innocently unaware, she needed to know the truth. 

That started with coming clean to Sam. 

"Where are they? It's been over an hour," Dean asked cooly, trailing his way into a very uncomfortable conversation. 

Dean felt as though he couldn't openly bring up the situation that had occurred earlier, but he was nervously biting his tongue for Sam to.

"Don't know, man," Sam shrugged his shoulders, eyes glued to some book, and Dean sighed aloud. 

Sam was being dry and even though Dean had only made one attempt, he knew that sooner or later he would have to bite the bullet. 

"It's late and Dad wasn't exactly sober, you think she's okay?" Dean asked Sam, but he shrugged his shoulders again. 

Dean frowned to himself, upset that Sam didn't seem to be too worried, and continued to ask questions. 

"What if he got into a car crash or something, Sammy? What if he passed out in the parking lot? Y/N doesn't know how to drive." Dean questioned but he didn't believe any of it was true. 

He was almost certain that they were doing other things.

What if John got upset with her? Dean should have never left her alone with him- he should have never even taken her to that party. How could he have been so stupid? 

Dean wished he could take it all back, even the kiss that he had been wanting to steal from her for years now. He wished that he could have protected her, that he never got her into trouble. 

Dean knows first-hand what happens when John gets angry, especially when drunk, and he would never dream of any of that happening to her. But then again, Y/N never talked about John badly. 

Y/N practically viewed John as a God, he's all that she's ever known, and she didn't know any better. Dean was sure that she didn't know that incest wasn't socially or morally acceptable. 

Dean figured that because it was beneficial for John, John would probably never tell her the truth.

"Dean, they're fine. Y/N has a phone, she knows when to call us, and for Dad? He's driven so many times drunk that he's forgotten how to drive to drive sober. I'm sure it's nothing, maybe they're getting food." Sam answered, looking up from his book and giving Dean an assuring smile. 

Dean's frown deepened, he just wanted for Y/N to be okay. If Sam was hellbent on them being fine, Dean had to address the elephant in the room.

"Can we talk about it?" Dean asked, deepening his voice to seem like it wasn't a big deal. 

Dean knew it was. He knew that maybe Sam would never look at them the same again. He knew it was wrong, but God- he had wanted to kiss her for so long. 

Sam looked up from his book, looking at Dean nonchalantly, almost like he didn't know what Dean was saying. 

"You know what I'm talking about." Dean huffed out, frustrated that Sam hadn't said anything in response.

"For someone wanting to talk about it, you're not very good at admitting what it is," Sam gave him a small, playfully scolding, scoff. 

Dean was trying his best to read Sam but with his snarky comment, he didn't even know where to start. Was he condemning Dean? Did he really not care? Dean didn't know and he needed to.

"I, uh, I kissed Y/N," Dean admitted, a deep blush displaying on his cheeks. 

Dean held his breath whilst he waited for Sam's response. Sam raised an eyebrow at him, Sam's lips curving into a small smile.

"That was a little more than kissing, dude," Sam laughed lightly, no hints of awkwardness in his tone. "I mean, you were practically groping her, pressed up all on her and-"

"Shut up, Sam. I don't want to hear it, I know what I did," Dean cut him off and Sam gave him a small frown. 

Dean didn't want to admit to those things, to the things that made his stomach bubble with an equal amount of guilt and arousal. He didn't want Sam to know that he could think that way about his baby sister.

"I mean, if I hadn't gotten there in time, how far would it have gone?" Sam asked, leaning back into the wooden chair, and Dean gulped nervously. 

All the way, was Dean's initial reaction- but he couldn't admit that. Dean didn't want to even admit that to himself. 

Sam was practically teasing him at this point, making Dean much more anxious than needed.

"I don't know what got into me. I'm sure it was just the alcohol," Dean played it off, skipping the question completely. 

It was a lie, though. Drunk or sober Dean thought about his hands all over her, alcohol just amplified his concepts. Sam shrugged his shoulders, lending Dean a small smile. 

"You've never thought about it?" Sam questioned playfully. 

Dean's eyebrows furrowed in response, frowning a bit at the inquiry. It was almost painfully evident that Sam was scrutinizing Dean for getting caught in the act and it made Dean's face heat up even more. 

"Never thought about what?" Dean asked in return, confused and wondering why Sam didn't seem upset. 

"Y/N, I mean, in that way," Sam confirmed, looking at Dean with wide and examining eyes. 

Dean frowned, knowing that Sam would only ask that question if he too had thought about it. Dean was also upset by his own answer because he thought about Y/N every second of the day. Dean practically lived in his head which was a sick fantasy land, full of him and Y/N being together in every way possible. 

"Are you serious?" Dean scoffed, but the silence that followed after and Sam's gaze made him swallow hard. "No, Sam. I haven't." Dean put his foot down and Sam looked surprised. 

"You sure?" Sam questioned with an eyebrow raised and Dean nodded his head. "You're a bad liar, Dean," Sam scolded, a smile sprawled across his face as he looked back down into his book. 

"Have you?" Dean asked and Sam shrugged his shoulders in return. "I gave you a real answer, now I deserve the same." Dean huffed out, getting a little agitated by how lightly Sam was taking the entire situation. 

"No, you gave me an answer but not a real one," Sam shrugged, looking back up at Dean. "You answer truthfully and I will follow suit." Sam raised his eyebrow at Dean. 

Dean knew he wasn't exactly the greatest at hiding things and Sam's inquisitive nature didn't help. 

"I don't have to answer to you," Dean rolled his eyes and Sam didn't seem to care as his eyes dipped down once again. 

But, Dean needed to know Sam's- he needed to know that Sam wasn't the only perfectly sane person in this family. Based on Sam's steady flow of questions, Dean was almost sure Sam felt the same way about Y/N. 

"Seriously, where are they?" Dean questioned, flipping the subject back to John, and sighing frustratedly as he sat down on the edge of the motel bed. "It's three a.m." He added, looking at his watch. 

Dean was still dressed from the party, anxiously awaiting for the two of them to get home, and couldn't bring himself to not watch the door. He needed to know that she was okay.

"How much you wanna bet that Y/N fell asleep and he just doesn't wanna wake her up? It's probably nothing," Sam replied, however, Dean noticed how his face contorted. 

Dean couldn't read Sam all that well, but he knew at that moment that Sam was hiding something. 

"You don't find that weird? He'd never do that for us," Dean said, trying to catch Sam's eyes as they avoided his. 

"Yeah, well, we're not Daddy's little girl, are we?" Sam scoffed in return, but it was far from his regular scoff. 

Sam's voice shook nervously and Dean was taking whatever he could read off of Sam. Sam was a good liar, but Dean was too desperate to not pick up on every single sign that Sam gave him. Did Sam know about Y/N and John too?

"I mean, if that were true, don't you think he'd be parked in the parking lot?" Dean asked, standing up. 

He walked over to the curtains, pulled them open, and found no signs of John's truck anywhere. Dean knew exactly what was happening, obviously not to its full extent, and he found it weird that Sam wasn't more on edge. 

"They've got to be up to something," Dean added, looking back at Sam. 

"What are you suggesting, Dean?" Sam gulped nervously, frowning at Dean slightly, and it made his blood boil. Sam did know.

"Stop that," Dean growled, turning to face Sam. 

Sam's eyebrows crimped immediately at Dean's change of tone, looking more and more anxious as the seconds passed by.

"Stop what?" Sam frowned in return, looking genuinely curious.

Dean knew by this point that it was all just an act. With all of those questions about Y/N and the way Sam didn't seem to care where she was, Dean knew that Sam's story didn't add up. He either knew as much as Dean did or he was trying to cover his tracks.

"Stop acting stupid, Sam. Tell me what's going on," Dean pried, glaring at Sam up and down. 

Dean just wanted some clarity from Sam and it was aggravating that he was only getting bits and pieces. 

"Look, I'm sure it's nothing," Sam offered, dumbing down the situation, and looking back down to avoid Dean. "Like I said, they're probably getting food or something."

"When is it ever nothing?" Dean scoffed and Sam shrugged his shoulders. 

Every part of Dean told him that Sam knew everything, even more so than he knew. After a long few seconds of bitter silence, Dean had to ask. 

"Do you know?" Dean asked in a way that Sam could only become confused or simply nod his head 'yes'. 

Sam did the latter, looking up with wide eyes at Dean. 

"You know too?" Sam asked, his face pale like he had just seen a ghost. 

Dean nodded his head and they both struggled to find the words that came next. 

"Did Dad tell you?" Dean questioned and Sam shook his head immediately. 

"No, I just figured it out," Sam answered honestly. "Did he tell you?"

"Hell no," Dean scoffed, acting like the same question he asked Sam was stupid. "Y/N told me one night." He added on and Sam nodded his head, not knowing what to say. "Have you, uh, ever, you know, with her?" Dean stuttered and Sam continued to nod his head. 

Although Dean was being hypocritical, he felt the anger course through his veins. Dean couldn't tell if he was upset because it was immoral or because Sam and John had never mentioned that to Y/N. 

"Sammy, you've gotta stop." Dean sighed, turning back to sit on the edge of his bed. 

"Dean, it's not like that," Sam frowned, closing his book for good as he decided to face Dean. 

"Then what is it like, Sam?" Dean asked, anger lacing his tone as Sam tried his best to come up with a viable answer. 

"She, uh, she came on to me," Sam said in a small voice and Dean began to rub his face with his calloused fingers. 

"She doesn't know that it's wrong. You're supposed to be the one who tells her these things, you were supposed to be the person protecting her. You know Dad doesn't give a fuck if she doesn't know it isn't normal. That's our job." Dean raised his voice slightly, making Sam scoff in defense. 

"So, tonight was normal? Kissing her at a party and pressing her against a wall is normal? I know my sister, Dean, and she wasn't sober, so you tell me who's more screwed up: You or Dad? Because at least she initiated it with me." Sam raised his voice in return.

"How can you be fine with this? I'm not justifying what I did tonight, Hell, I'll even apologize for it- but you? How can you sit there and explain to me that it was okay? Don't you feel guilty?" Dean continued to scrutinize. 

"Sam, I kissed her, touched her up and down, and lord knows what you've done to her. This stuff isn't okay. Especially with her, she barely even knows what sex is." Dean frowned, wondering why he seemed to be the only one who felt guilty. 

Sam was a smart kid, he should probably feel more guilty than Dean did, but Sam didn't seem to care. 

"But she let you," Sam reasoned and Dean raised an eyebrow. "She let you kiss her. She wanted it, Dean." Sam made up for Dean's actions, seemingly trying to get Dean to loosen up. 

"It's not about that and you know it," Dean growled, growing more upset with Sam with each little comment. 

Dean closed his eyes for a second, attempting to collect his cool because he was sure that Sam didn't think about how she didn't know any better. Sam wasn't the type to purposefully manipulate people, especially Y/N. 

Dean knew that Sam loved Y/N more than anything in the world, and he knew that Sam would never hurt her. 

"It's not your fault, Sammy. She came on to you- I get it, but if you continue, you better make sure she knows. You can't keep using her like that. She doesn't know it's wrong."

"I'm sorry," Sam apologized in a small voice, looking ashamed of himself. 

Sam was calming down too, starting to finally understand where Dean was coming from.

"It's not your fault, I told you that. It's Dad, he's the one who should have told her if he started all that stuff. You just didn't think about it that way, did you?" Dean sighed and Sam shook his head, beginning to look upset.

Now, just like Dean, Sam was beginning to feel sick within himself. He felt guilty for all of his times with her in the shower, all of the mornings when John would be on a hunt and Dean would be out getting breakfast, and, especially, the nights when John and Dean were on hunts. 

When Y/N was the one to advance on Sam, Sam didn't think twice about whether it was immoral or not because of how much he loved Y/N. All of those months of being ignorant were catching up to Sam.

When Sam did finally question, going back and forth between feeling guilty and soaking up the pleasure he felt with Y/N, he justified that Y/N must have known the implications behind their relationship. Sam just figured that it was common knowledge, but maybe he had learned it in school somewhere. Y/N never got that opportunity. 

By the time the whole sex and incest jokes were being passed around, Y/N was 'homeschooled' and only stayed at the motel. She never got the chance to socially develop- find out the difference between right and wrong, and Sam should have realized that. 

As Sam and Dean sat in silence, contemplating their own acts, Dean began to plan a course of action.

•••

Next Part

•••

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